Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Didn't See You There

The rain has brought slugs into our basement- and not the little kind either. Big, fat, brown slimy things that lay down silver tracks everywhere. Tonight I decided I'd scoop the one I'd found up and put it outside. Specifically, I thought I'd put it on the dustpan and fling it outside.

After being chastised by Jacob for showing him my capture (Fine! Yes- it's gross.), I opened the door to fling it out into the night toward the street. The only problem was, as my arm flung I noticed a man walking his dog from the street up on to the sidewalk in front of my house. He quickly ducked and put his arms out. I gasped and said, "Oh no! Did uh...anything hit you?" No - it turned out he was just teasing me (I can only imagine what the view from the street must have been - man out walking in the rain with his dog only to have crazy lady open the door and fling a slug at him).

At that moment Suki bolted outside to menace him and his dog. After doing the usual "she's not dangerous just obnoxious" speech I felt the need to explain to him that I had found a slug in my basement I needed to get rid of. Defeated, I finally said, "I must be your most favorite neighbor right about now." "Yeah," he replied "Great introduction."

Sometimes you win one...

Last night was a miserable knock-down drag 'em out tantrum night. First we had to tell him that Michael had asked if we could limit the number of Bakugan we purchase for the kids to 12 total to stop the insane one-upping each other that was taking place. We agreed and told Vaughn only to be told, "Thank you for delivering the news that you're never going to give me another Bakugan as long as I live!!" Then it was just a sad, series of events that resulted in the usual tears, stomping, door slamming, etc. Sometimes I swear we have a mini-teenager. Peace only came with bedtime.

Tonight though- sweetness and light. I was told that dinner was the best thing he'd ever had (taco salad thankyouverymuch) and after dinner he thanked me heartily and cleared the entire table. A never before seen occurance. To appreciate this you have to understand that sometimes - sometimes - he'll take his own plate to the counter. Kids - they push you the brink of insanity only to lure you back.

PS Picture is of a couple weeks ago with Wendy and Becky's pumpkins - Sydney and Olivia

The Goats

I've decided to find a new home for my beloved kids (keeping only Vaughn). The noise and the mess are more than I (and I do believe my neighbors) can handle. It is very sad but I believe in the end they will be happier with more room. I have found a prospective parent- a 4-H leader no less!- who has 14 years of pygmy experience and has a small heard on 5 acres. I'm very excited and believe the goats will do well there.

I was nervous to tell Vaughn after my attempt to cull the heard by way of re-homing the rabbits resulted in protest but it turns out the only thing he was upset about was that we'd be "down to only 9 animals." Always quick on my feet I said, "I'll buy you two new fish!" Sold.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

You Can't Eat Just One

Jacob has long suggested that a way to deal with Suki jumping up on the table and stealing food would be to put something really spicy up there to teach her a lesson. While certainly not intentional, yesterday Suki jumped up on the table and polished off nearly a pound of See's Candy which ended in memorable results - although it remains to be seen how much of this will stick with Suki.

As you probably know, chocolate is toxic to dogs. She threw up on both the couch and "The OPB rug" ("The OPB rug" is a hand-knotted prayer rug and one of my most prized possessions - one, because I actually won it after a pledge drive donation for OPB and two, because it's retail value was more than we would ever spend on a rug. Despite having almost all it's tassels chewed off and being peed and thrown up on multiple times, I still proudly display it in the living room).

Jacob had neglected to tell me she had even eaten the candy until the puking started and as I frantically searched veterinary websites at the computer I read his own words back to him, "While some may be tempted to say 'serves him right for eating the chocolate, he got what he deserved', this is no laughing matter." After doing the toxicity calculations several times, I finally decided that the chances of serious injury did not warrent an expenisive trip to the veterinary hospital.

Approximately twelve hours later (at 3:45 a.m.), just as the website predicted, I had to rescue a whining Suki out of her crate to wisk her downstairs for the first of many desperate bathroom trips. I immediately picked her back up when she came back in the house to avoid her dashing off to a remote corner of the house (there was no way I was taking a chance with her spending the rest of the night out of the crate - the puking had depleted our stash of paper towels). After closing the door the crate I realized I had somehow managed to get poo on both my hand and sweat pants. I washed up both in the bathroom and crawled back into bed - thankful for having an extremely high gross tolerance.

Saturday, December 27, 2008


It is a strange thing that something that can in an instant make everything clean, bright and pure can just as quickly make everything a disgusting brown slurry. This is especially true around the Menagerie and so I spent some time taking stock of the state of the yard today and tried to clean up a bit.

The goats' den was completely scooped out and replaced with fresh hay and I felt relief as I cleaned out the basement knowing they'd be sleeping back outside again (which I am confident is proof I am not crazy - crazy animal people let the animals take over their home completely whereas I have only jeopardized resale value).

Moving around in the backyard I held out hope that Lucky might come tooling out from under the stairs or porch. Ultimately I uncovered a clump of feathers that told me I had just found all that was left of poor Lucky.

Monday, December 22, 2008

What Is It About Bears In Zoos?

I see that a lonely 37 year old man in Germany jumped into the cage of famed polar bear Knut (whom Jacob does not remember and thinks it's weird that I do) because he was lonely and "the bear appeared lonely too." What is it about these bears that makes men want to come into their cages and bond with them? There is a dissertation here for sure.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


The freezing weather continues up here delivering more snow than we've ever seen in Portland. Lucky never did return. I believe she wandered off and got stuck somewhere - like the poultry version of Into the Wild. I was sadder about this than I thought I'd be and found myself looking out the back window hopefully several times a day. Muffy-Fluffy also became despondent and sat on the floor of the coop getting snowed on. Last night we moved her into the basement which Annalee suggested was toying with the potential for Bird Flu. I imagine if there was a Bird Flu outbreak in Portland our neighbors would just shrug in a way that says "not surprised" upon hearing it emerged from our house.

The snow hasn't been all bad though. We sledded at the park yesterday and Michael and I felt inclement weather and pear brandy in the middle of the day made a smart match.

Today I got up early and shoveled pathways out the front and back so that everyone on four legs could get around without sinking up to their belly (which irritated Suki so much that she decided to tell us by coming back in the house and pooping and peeing).

Later our neighbor Ruth came by to bring Suki over for a play date. Suki's play dates at Ruth's house are wonderful because we can truly enjoy having her gone without feeling guilty since she is being showered with love and attention. Ruth told me that her family has gotten Suki a Christmas stocking with gifts which I'm sure does not include a "No Bark" shock collar - the only gift Suki was slated to get from us.

Friday, December 19, 2008

When Not Just Any Outfit Will Do

Vaughn and Sten are playing superheros who live in a pillow fort. After a long night of pretend sleep, they emerged and Vaughn said, "Time to put on my super sexy clothes!" I can only guess he's heard Jacob say this while getting dressed before work.

The Chickens Are Gone

Last night when I went out to check on the chickens to make sure their water wasn't frozen, they still had food and the heat lamp was securely in place I discovered they were gone. It was as though they had just wandered off - there were no feathers on the ground and the coop was in the same shape I'd left it (as Jacob added, "There were no signs of foul play". Sigh). The weather had been sunny briefly so I thought maybe they had taken the opportunity to leave the coop and wander around the yard and were holed up under bush. With almost constant snowfall they'd been confined to their nesting box or perch for days so this seemed like a distinct possibility. Today I did a more thorough search of the yard and still no evidence.

Several people suggested to me that they'd been taken and this made Jacob and I feel better. If someone needed to eat so badly that they'd steal chickens then they needed them more than we did. They would have made for a fairly pitiful dinner though - particularly Muffy-Fluffy who was tiny.

I'll be keeping a close eye on the goats and making sure that Jacob doesn't put any signs on the fence that say "Fat, Yummy Dog in Yard."

** Update ** Muffy-Fluffy is back! I really hope Lucky comes back. One scrawny chicken is sad, particularly in this bad weather.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Snow Day!

Portland gets about one good snow a year. The beauty of the occasional snow in the unprepared city is that everything just shuts down. Snow is treated with the same joy and reverence in Portland as that first really sunny and warm day after the long rainy winter. Despite the snow Vaughn decided he really needed to see Sten, "one way or another." The only solution was to pack Vaughn up in the laundry basket and tow him the two miles to Sten's house.

Vaughn is Reading

It's so amazing to see that Vaughn went from tentatively reading to us to confidently reading to his little friends (in this case Sydney) in the course of two weeks. I can't wait for the day when I can stop reading altogether and lay in bed and have him read the rest of that Thomas Friedman book to me (which I'll undoubtedly not have finished). It will also be super awesome when he can do laundry.

Grandpa and Tita Visit

Why does it seem like people only think to take a group picture at the last minute before everyone leaves? This is usually in the morning, before anyone has had the chance to shower and get ready properly. The next time people visit I'm going to suggest, we're all looking so good right now, how about a group picture?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

You're Only As Old

Colin came to visit from Texas and stayed with us. At the work holiday party he referred to us as "his surrogate parents." When did we skip the "cool older sibling" step? Jacob sealed the deal by asking me today if he had texted to let us know he arrived home safe as he'd promised.


Michael pointed out last night that at the bottom of Vaughn's class photo "Sunnyside Environmental School" was spelled "Sunnyside Enviornmental School." I guess that doesn't bode well but it's like they're always flaunting the fact their kid goes to a Japanese immersion school. ("Wow.")

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Do You Hear What I Hear

The goats have been really loud tonight and when I went outside to shush them I heard one of my neighbors making comments about them. I couldn't tell what the comments were - but I sense they were disparaging. This is the same neighbor I've heard making comments before but I've never heard the whole comment - just snippets..."blah blah blah goat blah blah noises blah blah". It's making me paranoid and giving me anxiety so I've sent Jacob - sweet, sweet good-with-people Jacob - over to ask them if the goats bother them. He thinks this is weird and is reluctant to do so but I must know - it's really making me tense and driving a wedge in my love for the goats. Jacob agrees perhaps because he thinks he'll discover there is a neighborhood petition to get rid of them and this is his chance before my second foot surgery puts him in charge of the menagerie again.

I hear things wrong all the time. One time, when I was working at a concession stand at a movie theater, I thought a guy asked me "Are you Chinese?" when he was pointing at candy and saying "Have you tried these?" I sensed I had heard him wrong so I asked him to repeat it and again, "Are you Chinese?" I replied, "No, do I look it?" There was some confusion.

So I'm anxiously awaiting Jacob to come back and hopeful the news will be good. Cautiously optimistic I guess.

* Update: He's been gone for maybe 20 minutes. I try and imagine them all sitting around the table, sharing beers and laughing about this misunderstanding and what a great neighborhood this is.

* Update: Miracle of miracles - they love the goats! The downside - they really hate Suki. Apparently we were about to get a mystery gift of a no-bark collar in our mail box before we just started keeping her inside due to the weather. I can only imagine what an unmarked no-bark collar in the mailbox would have done for my anxiety. I guess we'll have to consider getting her one as a Christmas gift - making this the worst Christmas for her ever but since she's not quite two and hasn't gotten anything in year's past the bar hasn't been set all that high.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

It's Thanksgiving and Medium Goldie is Dying

The Menagerie is experiencing a sadness this Thanksgiving holiday (well, at least I am- all other members seem unphased) - Medium Goldie is laying on the bottom of the tank and seems to be on her way to the open sea in the sky (if I'm going to make up a fish heaven - it would have to be the sea and not the big fish tank in the sky since that doesn't seem fair. Although Medium Goldie is not a saltwater fish so I guess it would have to be a pond).

Anyway- the whole thing is very sad. She may be just a goldfish but she is laying on the bottom of the tank, little fish mouth slowly opening and closing and I'm on "Medium Goldie Death Watch" walking by every so often to confirm she's still with us and feeling even sadder each time I confirm that she is. I'm unclear what the humane approach in this situation would be. It may be time for Mestman Mercy Killing Corps to spring into action.

The MMKC has had to take death into its own hands twice before - once when Clucky (chicken) lay dying on the coop floor and we had to employ a (regrettfully) dull axe and another time when a rat got its head stuck in the "Have-A-Heart Trap" we purchased (in an effort to NOT kill the rats) and had to be drown when she could not be unstuck.

Medium Goldie had an okay life but I have to think having swim bladder wasn't easy.

11/28 **UPDATE**
Medium Goldie is still alive. I repeat - still alive! However, in a somewhat related story of death and Thanksgiving - I see that an employee at Wal-Mart was KILLED by a stampede of shoppers this morning in the Black Friday rush. I have to wonder if those involved in the stampede were (struck? moved? I'm having a hard time finding an adjective that isn't a bad pun) truly affected by what happened or if they just felt bitter that their Friday sale shopping had been set back by the subsequent Wal-Mart closing. Vaughn and I will be braving IKEA today but I think we'll wait an hour after opening to avoid potential death.

12/5 **UPDATE**
Medium Goldie is dead. (Regular) Goldie appears to have chewed off her fin. I've been told "fin" is finished in French. R.I.P. M.G.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Mothers - Ruining your life one haircut at a time

Oh for a haircut that doesn't end in sobbing.

But in 2 days he'll love it and everyone will tell him how cute he is -

which pretty much makes me a genius.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Me and Yang Yang

Anyone who knows Jacob knows that he is a hugger and most people who've been around me know that I am not. I'll hug people I'm close to but Jacob hugs people he JUST MEETS. People he barely knows. I hate this for two reasons: 1. It sets me up to be hugged. He's laid the groundwork - everyone is hugging. 2. Or the other option is that I stand there with my arms folded seeming like the frigid bitch. I go back and forth on which one is worse.

Anyway-Yang Yang- a panda in southern China was recently the victim of an unwanted hug. It seems as though a 20 year old college student broke into his enclosure and tried to hug him which provoked a very nasty bite. Shocking right? This was the SECOND time someone got bit by Yang Yang trying to hug him (the first time the hug-aggressor was drunk and actually bit the bear back). I mean I understand that they are so soft and cuddly looking but as the as the zoo officials said, some of this needs to be "basic knowledge."

Luckily Yang Yang is back to his cute but un-huggy ways and "does not appear to have suffered any psychological damage." Yang Yang if you're listening: try crossing your arms in front of you.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

A Tribute to Hannah

Poor Hannah- For years she's been the steadfast stalwart in the household. If I had to choose an analogy it would be Hannah as the lowly stagehand who has worked the theater she loves while watching a steady stream of flashy new starlets get all the attention (except most stagehands aren't introduced with the warning, "Careful- she's a biter").

But Hannah's about 14 now and we've rediscovered each other. And, for the first time in the 10 years she's been with us, we let her sleep on our pillows.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

If You've Got Something to Say

Our backyard was one of the reasons we were initially so drawn to our house. Our real estate agent described it as "idyllic". Lack of attention and the animals and their pooping-in-the-backyard ways have seen a steady decline of our personal Eden.

The horse chestnut tree in the back, while beautiful and a real asset during those few high heat days Portland sees each summer, is also a real pain in the ass. It drops huge, heavy horse chestnuts that come packaged in one of nature's most brilliant designs- a leathery, very prickly shell. Those all have to be picked up or they're sure to sprout (with as efficient and sturdy as these suckers are I'm sort of surprised we don't live in a forest of them). Then come the huge leaves. We've let the leaves just lay and compost in the past (which is why we don't have a lawn anymore). Today I thought we'd make an attempt to clean up the backyard a bit.

Vaughn announced early on that our goal should be to have our yard "look like Mr. Miyagi's" (another way The Karate Kid has permeated our lives) not only because of the beautiful bonsai and koi but mainly "because Mr. Miyagi's yard is always clean." Right. As we were picking it up our neighbor walked by and said, "Oh yeah- I was wondering if you guys were going to work on that today since it wasn't raining." Suddenly I felt our yard had become the neighborhood equivalent of a car up on blocks.

It took a while but we all worked together and got it pretty clean. Later I went outside to admire our work and an unseen neighbor off in the distance said, "MAAA." I guess Eden is in the eye of the beholder.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Not a Funion

It's public service announcement time. Through the miracle of modern medicine my left foot has been returned to glass slipper worthy dimensions. That's right people - I traded in the hideous bunion (see example right) I developed for a pretty bitchin' scar. This picture looks like it could be at the Museum of the Weird in Austin (Jacob says it's a special woman that can blog about her bunion- that's right fella) but I love it. Two days before Christmas my big toe on my right foot will be tenderly sawed off and reattached via absorbable screw (any excess shaved off). Now like all health problems, genetics plays a healthy role but you won't see me in narrow high heels any time soon.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

You - Only Creepier

Our latest family obsession is MorphThing.com. You can morph celebrities together (out of the hundreds of available choices- Vaughn picked George Bush to morph with Hitler- it's a little over the top sure, but he's six!) or morph yourself with your friends. Jacob and Annalee morphed together with slightly disturbing results (as seen here) and Vaughn got to check out what he would have looked like if his parents had been Jedi (specifically Yoda).

Swim Bladder

Every time someone new comes over they alert me that my fish is dead. She's not really. She just suffers from "Swim Bladder" (near as my internet veterinary training can tell me). It's a rough thing really. When she is hungry, she swims normally and the after she eats (presumably until digestion occurs) she floats belly up. I don't overfeed so I'm not sure exactly how this could be happening and, being a goldfish, she only warrants a certain amount of internet research time. It's a rough life.

In other animal related news- the bunnies got a last minute reprieve from Vaughn. It was very "Charlotte's Web" where Fern saves Wilbur from an untimely demise except Vaughn just saved the bunnies from going to a home where someone might actually play with them.

So Facebook

Facebook is easy to mock. Sometimes I think it is a giant pop culture joke and we'll find out that a Center for Urban Studies has been running an experiment on millions of unwitting people who found themselves inexplicably giddy over receiving a virtual shamrock. Half the time I can't tell what is legit and what is spam. Jacob said it's like being inundated with virtual junk mail. But-like the much maligned Christmas form letter- you find yourself drawn to the ease with which you can communicate with several people without the tedium of having to write the same thing over and over again. And like the Christmas form letter I get to check in with people I haven't heard from in a super long time, take comfort in the fact that they are doing well and return to my non-virtual relationships.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Back to the Drawing Board

Vaughn is back to doing art on a regular basis again and it's just fantastic. His specialty seems to be these superheroes that he creates. We go through trends at breakneck speed these days: superheroes beget Star Wars beget pirates beget Ninja Turtles beget karate beget Pokemon. Cursed Pokemon. The one thing I'd hoped to avoid. A whole empire built on the premise that you must...collect...them...all. At least if we hold out for a few days we'll probably move on to something else.

A Reduction in the Menagerie

I think we're going to find a new home for the bunnies. They just aren't getting any love (save for a few moments from me in the morning) and Vaughn keeps forgetting to close his bedroom door (allowing Suki to come in and terrorize them).

The menagerie seems to always expand and shrink.

Jacob wants to take a survey of the neighbors to find out if the goats "MAAAing" is annoying (Please respond: a. The sound is delightful and I am immediately whisked away to Heidi and the Alps; b. I'm tolerating the situation because I looked into it and they appear to be legal; c. I've tried sneaking into your backyard to poison them but I'm afraid of that insane little dog). I really think we should relax in the fact that, for the most part- neighbors have said they enjoy them and no one has complained yet (although I did get one, "So YOU'RE the culprit"). Anyway, I just love those little fat composters.

In addition to the goats being under attack - Annalee said last night at dinner that if the economy should collapse and we all had to live togther Suki would have to go. Really now, is that any type of conversation for a lovely Saturday night? We need to perk it up a notch.

It's cold - we have colds

Ah fall- not so bad until you start looking at these pictures from summer and wondering when you will be dry again.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Growin' up fast

So first it was that Sten had a "girlfriend". Exactly what that means in first grade terms is a little unclear but Vaughn is curious if not a little jealous. He asked me today if by chance he had a girlfriend (as if it were one of those things, "Yes Vaughn- remember- we got you a girlfriend last month when we picked up that Ninja Turtle and a new belt.").

Then he informed me he knew two new racy songs: The whole "Trick or treat/smell my feet" one and "(Whatever) and (Whatever) sittin' in a tree/K.I.S.S.I.N.G." Jacob and I had to laugh that the same goofy songs have been around forever and are still going strong. Either this is as good as it gets or evolution stalled in that category.


This was by far the easiest Halloween for both myself and Team Moyers. Vaughn selected a store bought "Anakin Skywalker" costume (I felt like maybe we should have brought a Star Wars family tree diagram with for those folks such as myself who grew up with only three Star Wars movies). Sten wanted to be a ghost and added some plastic vampire teeth for a bonus scary effect.

Even Jacob and I dressed up at the last minute (I as a gypsy fortune teller and Jacob as a skeleton in suit).

Saturday, November 1, 2008


My boys from Texas stayed with us Halloween night. By 5 pm we'd managed to go through a whole 12 pack of PBR. I found a couple of cans in the garbage and naturally yelled, "Who didn't recycle?!" They came back at me with, "Well you don't have CFLs!" For the record- I do. In some of the fixtures.


It's rare that Jacob will sit down and play guitar for me these days. Apparently, like lawn mowing, that was all used up in the younger years. Tonight was a rare treat. We skipped movie watching to play cards and he brought out the guitar AND let me film him.

Oh Suki...You Know You Make Me Cry...

Annalee told Suki she was "the most annoying dog in the world" yesterday. Sigh. She did have a bad run- peeing and pooping in the house, stealing a bagel off the table, barking at passerbys - the usual. But how can something that looks so cute be wrong?

Monday, October 27, 2008

It's Done!

Yeah! Michael/Annalee/Sten came over for dinner last night and to fill out ballots. There was healthy debate over the merits of reading everyones bios in the pamphlets vs. going off of our trusty liberal media cheat sheets. I think Michael learned a valuable lesson in not just voting based on an "interesting" OPB interview with a candidate as he ended up voting for this guy: http://www.getenergized.com/vote.html

And Jacob learned a valuable lesson in blindly trusting Michael. Pavel Goberman- you scored two votes last night.


Annalee told me yesterday (and I may be misquoting a bit) that Sten's teacher told her he had said, "I might take a little while to finish things but I think you'll find I'm a pretty good kid." That might be the cutest thing I've ever heard.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Menagerie in Fall


Here are a few pictures from the trip to Austin-
Monica poses with a smokin' hot automobile while Colin poses with the famous Stevie Ray Vaughan statue. The skeleton is from The Museum of the Weird where you can see all kinds of unfortunate dead animals with birth defects. I'm wondering where one buys such a thing as "Cyclops Pig"?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Halloween Fun Times

This weekend we got up super bright and early to hit the pumpkin patch with our friends, Michael/Annalee/Sten and Team Bowman (Shawn, Bo, Xander, Lucy). Knowing h0w crazy Sauvie Island pumpkin picking can be, we convened at 8:30 am so as to be there at 9 am sharp when they opened (listen, unless you've been stuck for 3 hours on a one-land Sauvie Island bridge you have no right to speak).

We did the corn maze (relenting to pay the full price after Jacob unsuccessfully tried to "talk them down"- he should have known they were serious by the sign that said "No 'It's too muddy' Refunds"). But then we got cold and hungry and bailed when everyone was waiting in line for the hay ride (no matter how many times Annalee explains it to me- I just don't get the appeal of the hay ride). This bought us time to take a nap before everyone came over that evening to watch movies, eat food and carve pumpkins.

We did our requisite stop at the Linton Feed Store on the way home where, once again, I was told I'm feeding the goats the wrong food/amount. It's a wonder they are still alive with as much conflicting information as I've gotten. Honestly, you'd think I was raising zebras. Anyway, they are now also 'dewormed' and yes, the medication is oral.

Here are a few pictures. I especially like how Jacob unself-consciously donned Vaughn's hat. It was so small on his head that he was able to stick his cell phone in the side - making it look like a strange version of the Bluetooth.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Hooray4Pie and More

Check me out! Gettin' a blog! Makin' a blog! Big shout out here to mom, dad and Aunt Peggy who are bound to be the most loyal fans. I'm joining the millions who think people want to read their everyday thoughts and opinions. Actually, I think this will just be a cool way to share the day to day stories of Vaughn and the rest of the gang.

Tomorrow night we'll be watching the final debate (whew! sort of like a runner that barely makes it to the finish line). At my suggestion we're doing a "Last Supper" potluck theme. You are supposed to bring two dishes you'd want as part of your final meal. It's macabre- but it's election season and Halloween so I'd say it's perfect. Plus that guy just got executed despite the court argument that he was too obese- do you see how it all fits together?

Anyway- this is enough creativity for one evening. An attempt to put up a picture and then it's off to the couch for a movie. Oh- and Hooray4Pie? Yeah- had to pick something.